Ulmus Jefferii

Well first let me say I missed a week and now it’s almost another week over. But I don’t really care. I have been busy living life and the less important things(at least to me) have been starved of my time.

I have started to wonder now if any potential employers will find my blog. I doubt it, but I am up there in the search results for my name. I am quite sure I can credit (or blame) either my friend directly or indirectly.

Finally for the real reason I am posting. I have decided to change my tag line from the nonsensical “Tending to run metaphorical red lights” to what I claim is more suitable:

Not lost. Finding a path to the same destination.

Well the last few months have seriously sucked. None of classes were particularly interesting. I wasn’t a TA because of a error filling out a form which led to debt and through my own stupidity, bouncing not one but two(2) rent checks. Did I mention I was trying to do research and work too?

Stress and frustration just built up and made stress and frustration worse. So with no motivation and just wanting the new year to be here I ask, how do I fix this?

I can:

1. work and just take the one class I need (having more free time to figure out what to do in Fall)
2. Try doing all of this again, but with actually getting money for my research (added benefit of taking classes,hopefully intersting ones, and bringing up my GPA)
3. work and classes sans research (more debt but other benefits)

I need to be less stressed so I am leaning toward the first one. But maybe after finals the second will again be in favor.

I’ve been back for a while after a jaunt in California on the way home from the Philippines. The trip was fantastic, but now my present reality is waiting for me. I went back to work this week and it is slow to get back in the swing of it.

I was looking forward to having a school focused semester, but now I’m not too sure. I messed up filling out a slightly confusing form to be a GTA (I was supposed to fill in the form twice, once for summer and once for fall). Maybe it is a blessing in disguise. I am now more motivated to find a GRA position, though I still find myself dragging my heels. I really want to do research, but it is not as simple as looking for listings. You have to go solicit professors, which I do not like.

What else….oh yeah, my apartment “forgot” to change the AC filter or to tell me I needed to do it, so the old ass filter froze to the coil and formed a nice half-inch sleet of ice. This after I took the door off it’s hinges at midnight to get to the AC unit. After defrosting it with steam from my kettle, the drain pipe became blocked so I had to unblock that with a coat hanger. Now maybe you call this bitching, but I somehow enjoyed all of this until the next morning when I had to wake up.

Tonight, Cady, Alper(with their kind help and lots of their time) and I moved a washer and dryer to the new apartment. We still need to move the old ones out, but we have a buyer who can pick them up.

Other than these slight variances, life is back to how it was before my trip. I feel lost, overwhelmed, and incapacitated. Only taking action when forced. Instigating struggle through hesitation. And although I am in a good place, I am not contented by my situation. A calm restlessness lays wait for my subconscious.